Suppy Sup! Conga Line Rules
Suppy Sup! Conga Line Rules
Plus: The Circle | A newsletter rec | Lots of things to read/watch/play!
Welcome to the most contentious issue of The ‘Sup yet! Contentious in that I contended with myself ad nauseam, ruminating over what to write about! Contentious in that it is coming out on Monday. Blasphemy, I tell ya.
Should I review my year? No! It would all be about Password and my desire to appear on other reality/game shows. I’ve already done that!
Should I explore the media that made an impact on me? No! I already kinda did that (link at the end of this issue), plus I waxed romantic about my favorite video essays a few weeks back.
Why bother writing what I *think* would be good to write about when the obvious answer is walking right in front of me, like so many wedding-goers gallivanting hand-to-shoulder in step with a lively tune?
Cole’s Rules For Starting And Maintaining A Conga Line
That’s right, folks. This is the end-of-year content you need, the last dose of Cole Rush original writing you’ll get directly to your inbox for two weeks (I’m on vacation next week). Store these tips for the next wedding you attend, and use them wisely. This power is NOT for the faint of heart.
Find A Song And An Ally
Your tune of choice must contain a driving, danceable beat without too much syncopation. I recommend “Tequila” by the Champs or, for a modern flare, “Shut Up And Dance” by Walk The Moon.
Once the perfect song starts, you’ll know. The vibe will be right, the light bulb will illuminate above your head, and you’ll need to act fast. Find an ally, a person you know will enjoy the rush of starting the conga line, the person you can high-five after the fact and say “Dude, I can’t believe we started a conga line.”
My go-to is my buddy Jake, captured here in GIF form doing decidedly un-Conga-like things. Shoutout to the other Jake in the GIF, who correctly judge’s Jake 1’s life choices.
Begin The Conga
Convince your ally to start a Conga line. I suggest a covert and encoded verbal message, such as “Hey, let’s start a Conga line.”
“Let’s Conga” is also acceptable.
Ally in tow, begin Conga-ing and encourage those around you to join in. Chances are this will be easy. Most wedding-goers yearn for the ease and structure only a COnga line can provide. Imagine wedding guest Bill drunkenly arguing with his wife Doris on the way home.
“Bill, you need to let loose. you didn’t dance once.”
“Oh yeah, Dor?” Bill replies curtly. “I don’t dance. I CONGA.”
That night, they make love like they haven’t in years, the magic of the Conga line glowing within.
Now you’re in a Conga line! It will grow exponentially. Many will join the fray, eager to follow your lead.
What was once yours now belongs to the “them,” the long, literal line of participants trailing behind you.
Don’t fuck this up for them.
For Fuck’s Sake, Watch Your Speed
A Conga line should chug along like a jalopy, puttering across the floor to the beat. Don’t get too ambitious. You have dozens if not thousands of people reveling in the most mindless dance of the evening. For many, this may be their only jaunt on the dance floor, except for maybe the awkward interlocking circle surrounding the bride and groom that forms when “Piano Man” plays at the end.
You have the whole world in front of you. Space to fill. Frontiers to explore! The Conga-goers behind you do NOT. They are attached to people in front of and behind them. Give them a strut, not a sprint.
Do NOT Try To Intersect
First of all, this is physically impossible for a Conga line. Intersecting, crossing over, whatever you want to call it. Successfully accomplishing such a feat makes what you’re doing anything BUT a conga line.
I’ve tried it and failed. The people I approached looked at me with fear in their eyes and bailed. The back half of the line split off, creating two competing Congas. Not ideal. Now I had two distinct entities vying for supremacy instead of a celebration of unity. SAD!
Unless you have a footbridge allowing you to step over a full-grown human man, intersecting is not an option.
Shouldies Over Hippies: Set An Example
Where should you make contact with the Conga-goer in front of you? Simple. Shoulders: acceptable. Hips: unacceptable, unless you have express consent. Don’t be a fucking creep.
Don’t Stray: Keep It Tight
Now is not the time for your insatiable wanderlust! Save it for the travel blog you abandoned after two posts!
Conga lines depend on the music. It’s the fuel, the lifeblood! You might get fancy and try to rope around the bar, venture into a second room, or lead your Conga expedition into unknown territory. “Not the time,” meet “not the place.”
I’ve tried it. I’ve watched the life disappear from an otherwise healthy and thriving Conga line because I got too ballsy. Stray too far, and you’ll lose the music. You’ll end up with a string of people who barely know each other attached at the shoulder (or hip, with consent) silently wandering an unfamiliar location.
Your best bet? Circle the immediate vicinity and keep the Conga line alive within earshot of the band or DJ.
Can’t Follow The Rules?
Then try not starting one. You don’t deserve it.
The Circle Returns
I love The Circle! I also think it needs to reckon with its own identity, as I covered in this Twitter thread (beware spoilers) earlier this year. Season 4 premieres on December 28 with a “Singles” subtitle and a returning player!
The Circle tries to make a case for the positive power of social media, giving “good people” the strong edits and favoring the “real relationships” over strategic players or catfish trying to get a leg up by playing a more palatable personality. In other words, the show tries to maintain coveted “social experiment” status instead of leaning into the elements that make it actually great: cutthroat gameplay, tough decisions, and eliminating threats.
I want it to be more like Survivor. I don’t mind that The Circle goes for positivity and real connection. But, hey, Survivor does that, and it still has strategic gameplay and brutal challenges. The Circle should be about more than sussing out the catfish or voting out the players who actually play to win. I hope season four 4 some of the ongoing staleness that plagued season 3.
And hope I shall, into eternity! For now, it looks like The Circle: Singles will lean into its flirty quasi-dating show vibe. If they forgo the “real connections” pastiche and lean into the complete and utter mess of it all (a la The Ultimatum), I’m in.
If you enjoy Suppy Sup, please consider subscribing!
A Shoutout: Hannah’s Weekly
One of my clients keeps a list of each staff member’s Twitter account. A few months ago, I went on a follow spree and discovered one of my colleagues, Hannah, had an amazing weekly pop culture newsletter!
I messaged her and we got to chatting about Substack, writing, and newsletters. I told her I didn’t know how to get started and she essentially said: “What’s holding you back?”
Her advice amounted to “Just write it, ya dingus,” though she delivered it in nicer terms. And write it, I did!
The next day I wrote my first issue, and since then, Suppy Sup has rapidly evolved into a passion project for me! I want to give some credit where it’s due and thank Hannah for the push I needed. Hannah’s Weekly is now a regular must-read in my inbox. she covers all sorts of cool stuff: Netflix docuseries, SNL, viral TikToks, and more! It’s a veritable pop culture smorgasbord!
Give her a follow if you’re part of the zeitgeist, scarfing down any pop-culture treats you can find!
Linky Links!
Lots of content from ya boi this week, plus a few things publishing later, which I’ll tease here.
I covered five bits of media that moved me for The Quill To Live.
I spoke with theScore about their new sports betting and iGaming technology.
I checked in on 8 sci-fi and fantasy adaptations. Some are alive and well! Some seem lost in the optioning-abyss.
The Quill To Live released its Best Books of 2022 list, which contains some certified bangers! I wrote precisely one blurb for this piece because most of my year involved catching up on previously released stories.
Publishing Friday on Tor.com: Five SFF Stories That Draw On Greek Mythology.
Read, Watch, Play, Listen
‘Tis the season for gluttonously consuming content!
1899 was mind-bending, mysterious fun. I love a fucked-up boat, and this Netflix series from the creators of Dark has one!
Survivor season 43 concludes this Wednesday, and I’m all in on Jesse. Long live this Survivor era’s greatest strategic player. May he win the million!
God of War: Ragnarok is more of a great thing. Plowing through this as I eagerly await the release of Sports Story, which will be GOTC (Game of the Century).
The Secret of Kells soundtrack absolutely fucks. Great work music. Also, watch the movie.
I finished The Galaxy, and the Ground Within by Becky Chambers, the fourth and final book in the loosely-connected Wayfarers series.
I’m 13% into Children of Memory by Adrian Tchaikovsky. It’s already a big departure from the first two in the trilogy, but I’m hooked.
RuPaul’s Drag Race: Canada vs. the World had a shocking departure this week! But it made the road to victory for Silk Silk with the Good Milk that much easier!
Earthblade trailer! AND HADES II IS COMING, holy shit!
I am obsessed with “Get Low, Get High (Part 2).” Enjoy:
I hope you all have a happy and healthy holiday season! I’ll be back after Christmas, which, if you didn’t know, is under attack! *Eye Roll* Take it from me, a Christmas-celebrating, religion-hating atheist! Or take it from immaculate video essayist hbomberguy:
Thanks, as always, for reading!
Thanks so much for the shoutout!
Also, I MUST start watching The Circle!